Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships

In a word: NO! I literally can not comprehend why anyone would have sex if they weren’t legitimately horny and craving it and edging for an orgasm. 

This is a super popular issue – one person wanting more sex than the other. I’d say it’s more normal than not. Which is why it’s great to talk to your friends about it, have a laugh at yourselves, and destigmatize the whole thing. I bet you’ll find that you’re very much not alone. And that revelation in itself is progress.

Two things need to happen here. Your partner needs to stop shaming you for not being DTF.  You’re not the enemy, or some loser, simply because you prefer less quantity and more quality sex. Actually, some could argue that your sensitive relationship with intercourse makes you the deeply sexual and sensual one. 

You also have to establish just how problematic your varying appetites are. The only way to do this is brutal honesty. Is your partner worried they’ll cheat if there’s not more sex? Give them a judgment-free zone to answer that question. Is your partner feeling unattractive or unwanted because you’re not as desirous as they need you to be?  Talk about it. Reassure them. Find other ways to continually connect if it can’t be penetrative sex. Like, how about mutual masturbation? How about you integrate more oral sex into the bedroom, so they can get off while you stay dressed or comfy or laying down or watching reality TV or whatever (am I projecting?). 

I myself would be open to talking about Ethical Non-Monogamy, although that might be too far of a leap. IMO, it can’t hurt to try. Remember, this is 2024, nothing is weird, nothing is crazy, there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to love and sex. What will work best for you two??? You can do anything you want.