First Steps in Play -or- Kink for Newbies

Welcome to living and breathing sex culture 2024.  Kinky sex is everywhere. People now go on first dates and say, in the same breath, “I’ll have a cucumber margarita, and I like nipple clamps.” I think it’s fabulous. 

Porn is a great place to start. Are there categories you’re drawn to even if they feel taboo? Group sex? Anal sex? BDSM? Choose your own adventure, click on a genre you’ve never dared to consume before, and see where that leads you in your fantasy life. When you’re done with that, ask yourself if that’s the kind of scene you’d like to find in real life? With apps like Fetlife, Feeld, Pure, etc. there’s a safe, often feelings-forward, and care-centric community for everyone. 

As for experimenting with a partner, I encourage you to play around. Talk about it first, just to establish some boundaries. It’s important to know what eachothers’ “Definitely Maybes” and “Hard Nos” are. Once that’s established, try a few new things.  Bite their lips - hard. Call them Daddy, or Dirty Little Slut, or Doctor, or Professor. Tie them up, or get yourself tied up.  Wear latex. Wear a strap-on. Wear a dog collar. Just play, and see what lights your fire. 

The fun thing about dabbling in kink is that the lifestyle extends way beyond the bedroom. If you like being submissive, you can ask your partner to text you commands during the day. There are vibrating underwear you can wear to work, that they control from their own office. While that’s a physical rush, so much of the anticipation and euphoria in kink culture is mental. Sounds amazing, right? 

Sex should be expansive and creative, not boring and bland, and it’s fascinating to test your limits. You might wind up having missionary-style sex in the end, anyways, but at least it’s because that’s what your body wants, and not because you're afraid of the scintillating unknown.