Lets talk about your genitals like a grown-up

It starts with the internal conversation between you and…you. Sex is infinitely better when we’re secure with our bodies. And while that might sound simple, or obvious, it is actually one of the hardest achievements of a lifetime. Complete and absolute body acceptance is a forever challenge for most people.  But once you’re there? Once you can enjoy and celebrate the uniqueness of your own design, you’re destined for high level sexual pleasure.

Here’s what won’t help: comparison to the naked parts we see in pornography. Trust me when I say that no one’s genitals look like that IRL. As a woman, I personally think porn is so much hotter when the vaginas look real and fleshy and juicy and sure, a little untidy, because then I can fully imagine it’s me (hi!) receiving the pleasure not an AI-generated pussy or a 20-year labiaplasty patient.

When you get to the point of intimacy with your next partner remember this: nothing is sexier than humor; and oftentimes nothing is funnier than sex. Are you worried about the shape or color of things…the opposite-of-rosebud of it all? Say, “Hey babe, next time you’re down there, tell me what you see? A Rorschach Test of sorts!”  That’s a great way to really look at eachother, and get comfy with each other, and keep it light but real. 

If you’re insecure about how you smell…I like this hack: Let’s come up with a code word if one of us has to quickly hop in the shower. How about…INSERT THE MOST RIDICULOUS WORD THAT COMES TO MIND. Onomatopoeia?  Boba Tea? Platitudes? The giggles you’ll have.  

But you can also be earnest. For example, you can say, “Hey, I’ve always been insecure about my pubes. What do you think? Too hectic down there? Should I shave it all off?” And then add the little sexy zinger, “You want to help me?” 

Lastly, without minimizing this crucial conversation about body positivity,  I do want to mention that whoever you’re sleeping with, is just happy to be having sex with you. Period. End of story.  The only thing they’re thinking is, “Lucky me.”  So don't give too much oxygen or stress or sit-ups or kegels. Talk about your parts with bright eyes and open hearts. Have a laugh at your individual quirks and imperfections and stupid insecurities, both naked and not. Be thankful for a healthy body; for your exciting and horny desires; and try to love yourself as hard as you possibly can. It is honestly the secret to everything.